Yesterday (Sunday), I was released from my calling at church as Primary President. I've known this was coming, but I still can't seem to stop crying. And Scott can't seem to stop laughing at me because of it. I'm soooooooooo sad. Of course, I understand that it was time. I've been the Primary President for three years. I am at church and all day on Sunday by myself because Scott works Sundays right now. I have three small children that I get ready for 9am church, then wrestle during Sacrament Meeting and then go straight in to do Primary. Church has been kind of hard and stressful. I stand in front doing Sharing Time and always (at exactly 11:00am) have Zachary come running to me from the door (sent in by a Nursery Leader) yelling that he went poop. Twice a month I send the kids home from church with one of the Young Women to feed them lunch and put Zachary down for a nap while I stay 2 1/2 more hours for ward council and a Scout meeting. I could certainly do all of that and be perfectly happy and fine, but I am also pregnant and getting more and more pregnant. So how would I take care of my kids, Primary and a newborn at church on Sundays? At this point I don't even want to bend over and clean up the crayons on the floor after Sacrament Meeting is over. Sooooooooooooooo, it's time for someone else to take over and I guess I'll get to just go sit in Relief Society.
Even though I understand how it makes sense for a change, I am still so heart broken. Really, I'm surprised by how sad I am. Granted, I am pregnant, so I'm definitely more emotional. I've never been this upset over leaving a calling before though and I know why. I've had all kinds of callings, but I can say I have never loved anything I've been asked to do as a member of the church like I have absolutely LOVED this. I had no idea going in to serve in Primary that I would fall so in love with being there. I hadn't stepped foot through the doors (even to substitute) since I left when I was twelve. Now I wish I could serve there the rest of my life. I sincerely love the women I worked with in our presidency and they have become some of my closest friends (even though they are about 20 years older than me). I learned so much from them and from being in Primary each week. I was really happy to be in there every Sunday. I felt the spirit so strong there. I totally love the Primary songs. Mostly though, it is way too painful to think of leaving those kids. I know them, I know their birthdays, I know their personalities, I know what they like and I honestly, really, really love them. They know that I love them and there is not a better feeling to me than when they see me and are so excited to see me and tell me whatever news they have. There is also nothing that could make me happier than when we are together on Sundays and I get to teach them (including my own kids) the gospel, help them feel the spirit and listen to their incredibly profound answers and testimonies. And sometimes hilarious answers too.
Oh, I'll miss it so much. I've been crying every time I think of being released for the past month. I thought once it finally happened I would be ok. Hopefully that comes, because for now, I'm still crying. Good thing I went to church in St. George with my family yesterday instead of our ward or they would have had a real wreck on their hands. Let's hope I can pull it together to go into R.S. on Sunday and not have to be escorted out..
6 comments:
I rememer your post where you annouced you had been called. Three years, really? I love that you are so torn up about leaving it. I have always said the most important callings in the church are in Primary. I would always want people there who want to be there. Lucky kids. :)
Dearest darling Alicia,
You're going to make ME cry, too! I am so sorry to hear about your release from a calling you loved so much--I'm also equally sorry to hear about the crazy Sunday routine you've been keeping up without Scott's help. And I know it must be killing him to not be able to help you. I can't believe you've kept it up for this long--what a trooper you are!
You're the best, Jigglesworth. Good luck with the old ladies in RS.
I've felt the same way every time I was released from a YW calling!
This is very sad for me to read, I thought you were ready. Get on the permanent substitute list. I am so happy that you love Primary so much!
I agree with you that Primary is the best calling to have. Little children are so willing to learn and so fun to be with. My favorite church callings were organist for Sacrament meeting, and piano accompanist for Relief Society and Primary. I'm so sad that my eyesight failed and I can't see the little musical notes well enough to hold those callings any more. Enjoy your young years!
I didn't even comment on this yet, did I? Well, I read it a few days ago, and didn't write, because I was crying with you. What a sad, hard day, to leave something you love so much. Are you crying as hard as when you left Ricks? ;)
Oh, Alicia. I bet those kids are really going to miss YOU, like you miss them. You've been a real blessing to them, I'm sure. I've loved learning from your ideas and enthusiasm, as you've helped me in my primary callings while you've been in yours. I hope you can be brave, and focus on the less stressful Sundays you'll have ahead. (You can change Zachy in private, without his "announcement", eh?) My mom said when she got released from that same calling (when Trent was a baby), she cried off and on about it for six months! So... give it some time, I guess? :)
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